Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Bloomberg Not Running

I'm Not Running for President, but...

Bloomberg is officially out. He's a good man, but he knows it's for the best.

It's a well written Op-Ed piece, and at least I thought it was pretty admirable.

In other news, I've cleaned out nearly all four corners of my room, a tedious task that took me a total of four days and four nights. The only corner/side of the room left untouched is the corner where my bed is, so I'm planning to do that this weekend hopefully (though it seems unlikely), and ideally that would clear up enough space for me to put away the random stuff that's still floating around my room right now.

I'm very happy. With my room so clean, it feels like summer in my room... except it's twenty or thirty degrees outside and there's still snow on the bushes outside my window. Oh well...

P.S. I'm also loving that the spell check button for these blog posts work again.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

That's a Desk?

Voila.

Yeah, so... now that I've started cleaning, I've realized that a lot of the papers are actually not junk papers. In fact, that mess consists almost entirely of papers from my science research project. Sad isn't it? Oh well, they're getting put away somewhere, one way or another, and hopefully I can proceed with a complete overhaul of my desk, which, according to my records, I haven't done since June 25th.

I guess in the end, it never does change.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Age of American Unreason

Well, seems like Obama took Wisconsin, and I assume he'll take Hawaii too. Ah, I just really hope Hillary can pull off that Ohio/Texas win.

Aside from that though, I'm exceedingly happy. My brother bought me The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack (the broadway version) last night, and I'm listening to it now. My order from Barnes & Noble came in today too, so I also have the Sweeney Todd movie soundtrack and a book titled, The Age of American Unreason by Susan Jacoby.

It's basically about how American society is so generally... dumb.

A better description can be found in this article titled, "Dumb and Dumber: Are Americans Hostile to Knowledge?" Once I knew what it was about, I immediately knew I had to read it. In fact, this is probably one of the most impulsive buys I've ever made (which, I know, is pretty lame, but hey, I think things out... a lot). It hit stores Sunday and I ordered it online Saturday night, so I'm really loving B&N's free expedited 3-day shipping right now. I don't think I'm going to read it just yet, but I will once I get my room and some school work straightened out (yeah, I'm not sure exactly when that will be either).

Stay tuned for that classic picture of my super-messy, uber-cluttered, "That's a desk?" desk. Coming soon to a blog near you!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Bombardment

I was going to rant about Hillary-haters today and how absolutely ridiculous their claims are that she's the one dividing the Democratic party and making it easier for the Republicans to win. (First of all, it takes two to divide a group of people; Obama is just as guilty of dividing the party as she is, if she is. Second, even if people are simply rallying behind Obama because they hate Clinton, they're just demonstrating how completely ignorant they really are. It's a different matter to genuinely like a candidate better than another, but unless you hate both and must choose whom you hate less, you don't make a decision based on hatred. Third, are people really that stupid that they'll let McCain win if Hillary is elected as the Democratic nominee? They'll let all their beliefs regarding the war and the economy and everything else be ignored, just so Hillary doesn't win? The point of a democracy is so that people can choose competent leaders that reflect their views. Democrats need to get it out of their heads that Hillary is less electable, and learn that if Hillary does become the nominee, they must unite lest they be made easy targets for Republican domination.)

Sigh... I guess I ranted about it regardless. Anyway, since I've had a good amount of time to think and do what I want to do, I've been pondering particularly about what I'm doing (and not doing) with my life. I haven't practiced my presentation for the science competition I have coming up, I have been writing my short story (plus the other night I became momentarily bold enough to write and send a letter to the Editor of the NYTimes), and after watching a few episodes of Project Runway, I've been reminded of the fashion show I need to put together at the end of the year.

Sure, it's still early in the week. But for some reason, and though this isn't the first time, I've been wondering about what I really want to do with my life, even if it's just short-term. I've got my science research on one end of the spectrum and my responsibilities of my independent study in fashion and the National Art Honor Society on the other. Then cradled in my arms hidden is my desire to write, and I'm writing and wondering if really that's all I want to do. I remember when there was a time I wanted to become a teacher (preferably physics) so I could have the free time to do all I wanted, yet at the moment I'm planning to continue research and major in biology and pursue medicine. And I'm perfectly aware that I might not have as much free time as I want if that proposed path does become real.

But right now, I'm being prodded towards disarray, and I'm already beginning to feel the strong pull of its deadly whirlpool. The point is that I don't know what I'm doing with my time and my life. I first and foremost want to write, but my science presentation constantly lingers in the back of my mind, and I'm wondering if I should be using this time to start making dresses for the fashion show.

And writing hasn't gotten me anywhere, partially because it's for my own recreation and relief, but it's the one thing I've been doing and the one thing I really don't need to do. My presentation on the other hand is gradually being forgotten in depths of my mind, though the competition is next Friday and I'd really like to do well because this was the only competition that accepted me into the next round. As for fashion, I really wouldn't be giving a damn right now, but I've come across some unpleasant surprise in my plans. I don't know why I care in the first place since I'm not even planning to major in art and I believe this to be my last service to the Art Honor Society, but I do care, and it's bothering the hell out of me.

See, the other day I was informed that a group of juniors were planning a fashion show for their own purposes and asked the Art Department for help. My advisor, in turn, asked me, and now they're under the impression that I was to help them with their fashion show.

Not bloody likely.

I'd rather die. And I'm not being unreasonable (only somewhat). I'm just not keen on the idea that a group of incompetent, dilly-dallying girls are going to take credit for my ideas and my hard work. Maybe if we were actually friends I wouldn't mind, but there is no way in hell I can cooperate with a bunch of girls with shady reputations.

"Yeah, we tried calling all these stores, but they said no."

"I'm planning to call Estelle's."

"Oh, you want to do that and let us know?"

Shit. Like I'm going to let them take credit for all of this. Like I'm going to let them take credit for my work, my ideas, all the mass revisions I know I'm going to have to do if I let them plan it out. This project was supposed to be under my wing, and I intend to keep it that way.

But I have so many things to do as it is, so many things I have to do, and so many things I want to do. And I don't have any plans right now on how to do them all.

And I'm just worried because I'm afraid (and I know) that if I spread my energies out too thin, I won't get anything rewarding out of it in the end.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Cult of Personality

The Charisma Mandate

“What is troubling about the campaign is that it’s gone beyond hope and change to redemption,” said Sean Wilentz, a historian at Princeton (and a longtime friend of the Clintons). “It’s posing as a figure who is the one person who will redeem our politics. And what I fear is, that ends up promising more from politics than politics can deliver.”

I thought that this was an EXTREMELY well thought out article regarding the whole "likeability factor" and exactly how acceptable it is to simply support Obama because of his eloquence. I think it addresses it pretty fairly too, but then again my senses probably aren't keen enough to pick up bias on something I'm actually not indifferent about.

So yeah, I'd really give this a look if I were you.

Oh, but since I'm not indifferent, I found this NYTimes blog post (A Calumny a Day to Keep Hillary Away) highly agreeable.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day

Is there such thing?

But it was a relatively good day nonetheless.

And now I feel inspired to write.

A short story. Now doesn't that sound nice?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

February Frost

There was a layer of frost on the ground when I stepped outside the school, and flecks of white drifted somewhat heavily, but steadily, down through the air. I entered the silver vehicle where the other three girls sat and waited. Then, acting upon the instructor's directions, we left the premises.

I was not worried but concerned. I stared through the front windshield. There were no signs that the snow would cease, and the ground was already covered in a fine layer of snow. Slippery, I thought, it must be, and I continued to think to myself as the first girl drove around the neighborhood. With nothing of interest inside the car, I looked outwards to occupy myself.

Without realizing at first, my tensions, however slight, dispersed as my eyes wandered freely. A sheer blanket had laid itself upon the houses, the cars, the pavement. Looking forward, I saw an image of gentle solitude, a pure, unsullied path framed on both sides by black trees and colorful houses in white uniform. The sky was gray, but despite this black and white photography there was some subtle vitality to the image before me.

It was a particular image that struck me, however, and forced me to elicit a small smile that even I could not control. In a driveway, covered with a thin but even layer of snow, some being had shoveled the image, "I U," in relatively large, clear print. Realizing I had smiled, however, I immediately turned to face the other passengers in the car, but I soon came to the conclusion that no one else seemed to have noticed either me or this most lovely proclamation of love.

My soul sighed as my mind pondered aimlessly. How creative, I had thought, and wondered if there was truly anyone capable of declaring such an overused statement with such ingenuity. I imagined this being to be a man, though I admit there was no reason why it could not have been a woman, but either way I imagined this being to be a man with a wife, fiancée, or girlfriend, who would come home after a long day at work to find this public proclamation carved so forthrightly in the frost, frost so light and so sheer that it resembled more an unrolled layer of quilt batting or sheets of wedding tulle.

And I subtly sighed while a smile spread slightly across my lips and my eyes drooped dreamily in a euphoric haze. I admit that my ultimate thought was how romantic it was and I pointlessly wondered if there were truly men creative enough to do such a thing, and pretended to envy those who were already in their presence. But I then laughed at myself silently as I entertained the thought that it was not created by some veracious and artistic being at all, but rather by a child with some rampant and naïve imagination.

I looked for the house continuously, but to my dismay, it never reoccurred before me. We never passed by it again, at least from what I could see from my position, and I began to wonder if the perpetual snowfall had already obscured the transient message, curious if that woman ever did see that man's proclamation. I even doubted its existence at one point, even going so far as to wonder if perhaps it was not a product of a child's imagination, but rather my own, desperate, deprived, and alone.

We finally returned to the school. I had taken my turn between thoughts. I walked into the building. The others gone, I sat in solitude, waiting to be taken away, the faint, blunt beat of basketballs bouncing nearby the only thing that would keep me company.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Personally Good, Politically Bad

Yay, art.

So after a week of hell, this weekend was actually really fun. After I was no longer scrambling to create a gift basket of art supplies (which turned out great, see above) for the Charity Basketball Game raffle, I went to a friend's birthday party and had a great time. And even though I had to work the entire weekend, I get along with some of my coworkers well enough to have plenty of laughs throughout the day. Then after work yesterday, I watched Sweeney Todd again with a couple of my friends, and I was once again drooling over the fantastic music.

I also had turmeric rice for lunch on Saturday, which, I would like to point out, was delicious.

BUT... I was not expecting to come home to the news that Hillary lost Louisiana, Nebraska, and Washington. How sad...

And now Maine appears to be slipping away from Hillary's hands too!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Pointlessness

Well, I'm glad Hillary won New York and California and that she is ahead in committed delegates at this point. Of course this can still change, so there really isn't any real reason to celebrate. I'm a little pissed at Obama though. In his speech Tuesday night he claimed that he hasn't taken any money from interest groups, and I believe I'm rightfully skeptical. I think someone's trying too hard to gain Edwards supporters, and maybe even an endorsement from Edwards, though personally I think Edwards might be avoiding an endorsement because he personally wants to be V.P. See, it was easy for Giuliani to figure out who would be the Republican frontrunner, but for the Democrats it's not so clear. Get what I mean?

Anyway, I meant to blog earlier but I was exhausted and I just woke up from my 7 hour nap. I pulled an all-nighter Monday night, and last night I didn't get much sleep either. I just found out it was for nothing though since I failed to move on to the next round of the competition. And I thought, maybe because I had a bad day (I woke up late, was nearly late to school, couldn't hand it my A.P. Gov homework because I didn't finish it, and so on), I would actually hear some good news at the end of the day. I thought, "Oh, it's not like Intel where I was actually having a good week. I'm having a bad week, so maybe I'll have good results."

But alas, I was wrong as I usually am. And in the end, I was never meant to move on. And in the end, all my efforts to strengthen my project were for nothing. And in the end, maybe I was never meant to do science.

And I really believe that. Four years I've spent doing science research and I feel like I've gotten nothing out of it. I've never won a thing, and my work isn't even good enough to get me into Penn and probably my other colleges too. I don't enjoy it half the time and it's not even like my projects are helping the world, because if I didn't do it, I'm sure someone else would have.

And maybe I should just retire from science now. Maybe science isn't for me after all. Maybe I should just stop trying to be something I'm not, and just write, write, write, because that's what I really love to do and that's what I think people enjoy from me. But I'm scared, scared I'm going to fail, because unlike science, if I fail here I might have nowhere else to turn.

But maybe that's why I'm not good at science. Maybe I just need to be shown by fate that there's no hope for me in this field. Maybe fate has been telling me all along, "Just go for it! Do what you want to do! Don't be afraid!" And instead of giving me false hope by letting me win temporary victories, it's trying to prod me in the right direction and up to this point I've just been too stubborn to listen.

Sigh... I guess I'll give it one more go. I did move onto the second round of this other competition, and I'm scheduled to present in a few weeks. If this really fails though, I think I might actually have to reconsider my future at that point.

EDIT: Happy Chinese New Year, by the way.

DOUBLE EDIT: Romney has dropped out of the presidential race.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Imitation of a Woman

I sat there on the bench in a black blouse and black corduroy blazer, black tights under a magenta skirt. My hair was slightly wavy, and a string of pearls sat around my neck.

I was tired. It was a long day. My science research peers and I arrived at school at 6:45 AM, left school around 7 AM, and came back at 3:30 PM. No one was there when we arrived and everyone was gone by the time we got back. Where did we go? We missed school to compete in a science and engineering competition. Over the course of the day, we had to present our research to two or three judges who would then evaluate our research for its worth. Now that's some pretty grown-up stuff, don't ya think?

But it was around 5:30 when this thought occurred to me and I sat there at school weary from Drivers Ed. Everyone seems to know how to drive but me. It finishes at 5:15, but the late bus comes at 5:45. As I sat, people came in and out. They wandered in confusedly, and while some made their way to the gymnasium where the boy's basketball game was taking place, others asked the security guard where the voting booths were.

And there I sat, dressed like an adult, doing things an adult does, thinking with the countenance of an adult. Yet shamefully I don't know how to drive and I'm still too young to vote. And in the end, I wonder if I simply do not belong, if I am an anomaly in time, space, and humankind. The old people stared as they walked, and the middle-aged people stared as they walked, and the children stared as they walked. And this was because despite my appearance, despite all I have done, all the work that even far surpasses many of their imaginations, to all of them I was clearly not an adult, but rather a young calf in women's clothing.

Diverting my eyes to an inscription engraved in a little granite monument in the lobby, I read the last line over and over.

Remember where you came from and where you are going.

But what if I feel stuck in time?

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Giants Win Superbowl XLII!

Since ISR owns my soul/life (and I am thus chained to my computer trying to fix up my paper and presentation), I'm not partying like I should be, but for my own record keeping purposes, I'm reporting this here: Pulling off an upset against the until recently undefeated New England Patriots, the NY Giants have won Superbowl XLII!

Game commentary here (because yes, I go to the NYTimes for everything).

Honestly, I'm not that into football, but you can't help but want to root for the home team. And I have to admit, that fourth quarter (or at least the last two minutes that I saw) was pretty intense.

That last second though was... cute. They just got up and hugged. Haha...