Pointlessness

Well, I'm glad Hillary won New York and California and that she is ahead in committed delegates at this point. Of course this can still change, so there really isn't any real reason to celebrate. I'm a little pissed at Obama though. In his speech Tuesday night he claimed that he hasn't taken any money from interest groups, and I believe I'm rightfully skeptical. I think someone's trying too hard to gain Edwards supporters, and maybe even an endorsement from Edwards, though personally I think Edwards might be avoiding an endorsement because he personally wants to be V.P. See, it was easy for Giuliani to figure out who would be the Republican frontrunner, but for the Democrats it's not so clear. Get what I mean?

Anyway, I meant to blog earlier but I was exhausted and I just woke up from my 7 hour nap. I pulled an all-nighter Monday night, and last night I didn't get much sleep either. I just found out it was for nothing though since I failed to move on to the next round of the competition. And I thought, maybe because I had a bad day (I woke up late, was nearly late to school, couldn't hand it my A.P. Gov homework because I didn't finish it, and so on), I would actually hear some good news at the end of the day. I thought, "Oh, it's not like Intel where I was actually having a good week. I'm having a bad week, so maybe I'll have good results."

But alas, I was wrong as I usually am. And in the end, I was never meant to move on. And in the end, all my efforts to strengthen my project were for nothing. And in the end, maybe I was never meant to do science.

And I really believe that. Four years I've spent doing science research and I feel like I've gotten nothing out of it. I've never won a thing, and my work isn't even good enough to get me into Penn and probably my other colleges too. I don't enjoy it half the time and it's not even like my projects are helping the world, because if I didn't do it, I'm sure someone else would have.

And maybe I should just retire from science now. Maybe science isn't for me after all. Maybe I should just stop trying to be something I'm not, and just write, write, write, because that's what I really love to do and that's what I think people enjoy from me. But I'm scared, scared I'm going to fail, because unlike science, if I fail here I might have nowhere else to turn.

But maybe that's why I'm not good at science. Maybe I just need to be shown by fate that there's no hope for me in this field. Maybe fate has been telling me all along, "Just go for it! Do what you want to do! Don't be afraid!" And instead of giving me false hope by letting me win temporary victories, it's trying to prod me in the right direction and up to this point I've just been too stubborn to listen.

Sigh... I guess I'll give it one more go. I did move onto the second round of this other competition, and I'm scheduled to present in a few weeks. If this really fails though, I think I might actually have to reconsider my future at that point.

EDIT: Happy Chinese New Year, by the way.

DOUBLE EDIT: Romney has dropped out of the presidential race.