Until It's Gone

So I just woke up not too long ago to discover that my house was completely empty. Or I didn't really "discover" it since I knew it would be empty, but I felt that lonely feeling you get when you're surrounded by people one moment and then completely alone the next, if you know what I mean.

My brother left for California today--permanently--and I admit that I'm just realizing this now. Yesterday (my family was at a wedding reception), a relative of mine commented how I must be so sad to not see my brother after today, and in response I laughed and told her that there was a period of eight years (college and then dental school) when I rarely saw my brother anyway and that I was used to it.

Maybe it's because California isn't a simple few hours away or maybe it's because it seems like such a foreign land to me (I've never been there), but honestly, I'm already proving myself wrong right now--I'm definitely not used to it. It upsets me now to know that when he came into my room this morning to say goodbye and I half-assedly sat up and hugged him, it was the last time I would see him for a while. I didn't realize that it was different this time. It was a one-way ticket--he wasn't coming back.

Up until today I really wanted to go to Thailand this winter break, but now the other option of visiting my brother in Cali suddenly became so much more appealing. It's true what they say: You don't realize what you have until it's gone.