Christmas Tidings

So when I came home from Boston to find a real tree in my living room, I almost cried. It was round and full, peppered with red and silver ornaments and strung with lights that continuously blinked throughout the night.

I was so surprised. I don't think I ever had a real tree before. As I child I used to singlehandedly set up a little fake one, and then as I grew older I got lazy and nothing got put up.

But this year... I thought this year might be different. There was snow outside. The tree was pretty. My parents actually liked to plug in the lights at night. There were presents sitting under the tree, creating an iconic image that just seemed right.

But when I woke up today, I walked into the living room and looked out the large windows. The yard was bare. The sun was bright and the snow had completely melted (not that I expected any of it to remain after yesterday's rain, but it was a bit disappointing). Looking away, we then proceeded to open our gifts, but as I tore open the wrapping paper, I wasn't consumed by joy. Suddenly, time seemed slow and sluggish. I looked at my gifts. I liked them, but I didn't feel appreciative. And I didn't feel like anyone else felt appreciative of his or her gifts either.

So just like that, the holiday illusion shattered. And it didn't feel like Christmas anymore.

I did have family over, but only my mother's sister's family came and not my mother's brother's family, and so it was a lot more low-key. It was fun, and the food was good, but there was less excitement than usual and it seemed obvious to me.

After everyone had left, alone I thought back to what ignited this holiday spirit in the first place.

Then I reached behind the tree and unplugged the lights from the wall.