Season's Call

It's hard to believe that more than a year ago, on Thursday, June 21st, I started this blog with my first post, entitled "Season of Goodbyes." That was the day the Class of 2007 graduated, the day my peers and I officially moved on to fill their shoes and became what they were no longer... seniors.

Defying the whirling wind,
I am searching for the lost season.

Today, however, I did not partake in the joy I felt a year ago. It was a different feeling. Actually, I didn't know how I felt. It didn't make sense to me. After all, how I longed for this day to come! The day I could leave behind the wretchedness I put myself through, the immature teenagers, the endless schoolwork, all the unnecessary stress. I never dreaded this day, never feared it. In my heart I always wanted it to come.

Even if it's only a little, it's towards the direction I'm aiming for
that vivid memories provoke me.

But I wasn't happy. I wasn't sad or regretful or anything either, but it was hard to smile. Following the advice of Dr. Seuss, I wasn't sad that it passed, but happy that it happened. And according to my own beliefs, I always felt that there is nothing to regret in the past if I am happy in the present. But somehow, I had smiles to give to others, but none to give to myself.

And it made no sense. I had the whole world in front of me, but somehow, even if I wasn't going to look back, it was if something was telling me that I could, and it was alright if I did.

How many fates should I accept?
Does it have an end?

But that's not what I wanted. I was looking for finality. I wanted the blade of a guillotine to drop down upon these scrawny ties. I wanted to move on, free as a bird, with no one to control me, with no strings attached. But it wasn't like that. Even if I never saw all these people again, however small of a role they've each played, they've all been a part of my life.

That's why I'm not afraid, even tomorrow,
because I always feel you in me.

And somehow, it's not really goodbye, because the only place a person's existence is true is in another person's heart. The bliss I was expecting from leaving everyone behind instead manifested itself as something strange, something different, merely because to erase them from my memories was to destroy a part of my own heart.

You taught me how to love.
I feel like I can do anything.

And perhaps the reason why I'm not sad is because those who mean most to me I know I will definitely see again, and so tonight was not a night of goodbyes after all, but one of well-wishing, optimism and hope.

The world sketched in the dream,
I want to unfold it before your eyes.

And the people I have with me now are the people I'll have with me forever. They'll share with me their futures, and I'll share with them my own.

That's why I'm not afraid, even tomorrow.

Life is destined to repeat itself. Like how Spring leads to Summer, Summer to Autumn, Autumn to Winter, and Winter to Spring... while each season may seem to have an end, in reality, it's a cyclical process that only leads into new beginnings. It's a natural occurrence, and all we can do is look ahead.

My beloved season calls me...

Congratulations, my friends. Congratulations, Class of 2008.

...because I always feel you in me.

(Season's Call - Hyde)