The Pursuit of Happiness
As I was venting about many things today to various companions, I ultimately came to one conclusion:
Everything I've done thus far this year has failed to make me happy.
I'm looking back at the past three months now, and do you know what I recall? Discomfort, misery, sadness. And you know what? It's not college applications. No, college applications actually make me happy, because they give me the chance to write and they give me hope that I can get far away from everything I'm going through right now. Far, far away...
I want to think that everything I'm doing now is simply ensuring my happiness in the future. But I have no proof, and how do you expect me to feel relaxed with no guarantee that I'm going to have a successful life?
Tell me why, with a 100 average (no wait, a 99.99 average that's literally .002 points away from the top tier), I'm still only ninth in the class? Why is that, despite my hard work, colleges are still willing to reject me merely because my average, my average and not my true intelligence or ambition, falls below eight others?
And some teachers are lovely. Most of them are. But others... others are just pure bitches. And I can understand that it's my fault that I'm not doing well if I'm not doing the work. I'm not going to be stupid and blame a teacher just because I'm not doing well. But when some teachers just give you a hard time, or find the need to make you feel like an absolute idiot, you can't really expect me to say something like, "Oh, I'll just work harder next quarter."
I work so hard, and no one but my peers will ever understand that. And that's because they work hard too. We all work hard, and we don't need teachers to make things more difficult for us.
For example, I actually can't decide who is more outrageous. My close-minded health teacher, who I had to deal with two years ago, or my math teacher, whose nasty, rotten attitude I have to deal with now.
"I don't understand why you took off points if this is right."
"Oh, well even though it's right, it's not the answer I had."
Sorry for thinking outside the box.
"I don't understand this problem."
"Oh, come on! How can you not understand something as simple as that?"
Oh, forgive me! I sincerely apologize for wasting your time with this utterance of my breath. I won't seek answers to my petty questions again.
And she wonders why, in addition to my classmates, little me "doesn't seek extra help."
That's definitely not all, but this is the senselessness kids have to deal with today. But who understands? No one. We can't do anything about it either. All of us just have to keep working in hope of finally reaching that future we can only assume is before us.
And I wonder, is anyone really happy?
I want to think that everything I'm doing now is simply ensuring my happiness in the future. But I have no proof, and how do you expect me to feel relaxed with no guarantee that I'm going to have a successful life?
Tell me why, with a 100 average (no wait, a 99.99 average that's literally .002 points away from the top tier), I'm still only ninth in the class? Why is that, despite my hard work, colleges are still willing to reject me merely because my average, my average and not my true intelligence or ambition, falls below eight others?
And some teachers are lovely. Most of them are. But others... others are just pure bitches. And I can understand that it's my fault that I'm not doing well if I'm not doing the work. I'm not going to be stupid and blame a teacher just because I'm not doing well. But when some teachers just give you a hard time, or find the need to make you feel like an absolute idiot, you can't really expect me to say something like, "Oh, I'll just work harder next quarter."
I work so hard, and no one but my peers will ever understand that. And that's because they work hard too. We all work hard, and we don't need teachers to make things more difficult for us.
For example, I actually can't decide who is more outrageous. My close-minded health teacher, who I had to deal with two years ago, or my math teacher, whose nasty, rotten attitude I have to deal with now.
"I don't understand why you took off points if this is right."
"Oh, well even though it's right, it's not the answer I had."
Sorry for thinking outside the box.
"I don't understand this problem."
"Oh, come on! How can you not understand something as simple as that?"
Oh, forgive me! I sincerely apologize for wasting your time with this utterance of my breath. I won't seek answers to my petty questions again.
And she wonders why, in addition to my classmates, little me "doesn't seek extra help."
That's definitely not all, but this is the senselessness kids have to deal with today. But who understands? No one. We can't do anything about it either. All of us just have to keep working in hope of finally reaching that future we can only assume is before us.
And I wonder, is anyone really happy?
prism:
sunshine (daily rants)
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