Animosity Dissolved
We worked hard. We played hard. But it paid off. We finally did it. We were the official undefeated league champs.
But despite having a winning team with great skill, I never seemed to get along with everyone. The team is cliquey, and that's the truth. It's hard for me to talk to all of them, and even harder for a couple of others. I often felt left out, unappreciated, nonexistent even, and while they laughed with each other I would almost feel myself fade into thin air.
Did I hate them? Maybe, at certain moments. But as we shared a pasta dinner, all seemed well. We ate, we laughed, we enjoyed ourselves. We played ping-pong and talked, and somehow I was seated well and so I felt very much involved with the conversation even though I could not quite contribute to the gossip.
But I was relaxed, and after a horrible, horrible week, it was exactly what I needed. I laughed freely, and they were welcoming. Although they are indeed cliquey, I wondered if I had perhaps been mistaken this entire time. Maybe they didn't mean to exclude me after all.
And maybe they do appreciate the team. And maybe after all this time, all I needed to do was learn how to take a joke, which, I'll admit, I don't always do or do well.
Though they could give a little more effort to include some other teammates. In protest, the truth came out.
"Yeah, they're so antisocial. They never come over to talk to us." they said, which was indeed rather true.
But I defended them, which included myself at times.
"Well, to be honest though, you guys are pretty hard to approach sometimes."
And they genuinely replied, "Really?"
And at that moment I knew I had been mistaken, and it had pained me slightly to realize that the only problem was a lack of communication. To think the team, the entire team, could have gotten along better had this one truth been revealed earlier, upset me, but the fact that they were indeed oblivious to the social awkwardness that impeded wholesome camaraderie brought a little hope back into my heart.
And for the duration of the party, I sat, smiled, and laughed. For once, I did genuinely love the team, and as I chuckled I hoped they too would know that I loved them.
Because I do, and as I look back, I'm being reminded that it really is hard to turn past another chapter in my life.
But despite having a winning team with great skill, I never seemed to get along with everyone. The team is cliquey, and that's the truth. It's hard for me to talk to all of them, and even harder for a couple of others. I often felt left out, unappreciated, nonexistent even, and while they laughed with each other I would almost feel myself fade into thin air.
Did I hate them? Maybe, at certain moments. But as we shared a pasta dinner, all seemed well. We ate, we laughed, we enjoyed ourselves. We played ping-pong and talked, and somehow I was seated well and so I felt very much involved with the conversation even though I could not quite contribute to the gossip.
But I was relaxed, and after a horrible, horrible week, it was exactly what I needed. I laughed freely, and they were welcoming. Although they are indeed cliquey, I wondered if I had perhaps been mistaken this entire time. Maybe they didn't mean to exclude me after all.
And maybe they do appreciate the team. And maybe after all this time, all I needed to do was learn how to take a joke, which, I'll admit, I don't always do or do well.
Though they could give a little more effort to include some other teammates. In protest, the truth came out.
"Yeah, they're so antisocial. They never come over to talk to us." they said, which was indeed rather true.
But I defended them, which included myself at times.
"Well, to be honest though, you guys are pretty hard to approach sometimes."
And they genuinely replied, "Really?"
And at that moment I knew I had been mistaken, and it had pained me slightly to realize that the only problem was a lack of communication. To think the team, the entire team, could have gotten along better had this one truth been revealed earlier, upset me, but the fact that they were indeed oblivious to the social awkwardness that impeded wholesome camaraderie brought a little hope back into my heart.
And for the duration of the party, I sat, smiled, and laughed. For once, I did genuinely love the team, and as I chuckled I hoped they too would know that I loved them.
Because I do, and as I look back, I'm being reminded that it really is hard to turn past another chapter in my life.
prism:
raindrops (thoughts)
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